I no longer wanted to live a life of mediocrity.
I noticed the generational patterns I was perpetuating. I was a single mother and had a decent job. My parents were financially secure, but a good portion of others in our family were not. In June of 2016, I enacted a plan that would change the course of my life. This plan was not tangible nor was it truly a financial plan. I was winging it and clearly my parents knew this about me, but still supported me. During the past 5 years, I quit two jobs that were not fulfilling, started a non-profit, completed a degree and almost finished my PhD, and moved across the country. This is definitely not for the faint of heart.
I was introduced to human design a few years ago and shortly after that introduction, I met one of my closest friends who happened to actually study human design. Talk about planting a seed and it being watered. My friend was super enthralled with me being a reflector because according to human design reflectors are 1% of the population (To learn your type, click here. To learn more about your type, click here). Although, I didn't see this post by Erin Claire Jones until recently, this whole post resonated with me. These are the exact reasons why I left relationships, friendships and positions. I now know that I was honoring my design. However, even with honoring my design, I wasn't the most financially stable thus relapsing into a depressive state which affected several relationships in my life. Rebuilding from the ground up has been the challenging phase of my life. Not many understand this because my first daughter passed 12 years ago. However, I realized not being self-sufficient has affected my emotions in a way that death hasn't. I process many things differently than others. I do not view death traditionally and some have even considered me non-emotional in many respects (I have since learned why through more study of human design).
I recently made a social media post discussing the Hierarchy of Needs. I hadn't taken a psychology class in several years and I've learned those who never took a psychology class were not familiar with the Hierarchy of Needs, but when broken down completely understood. During this rebuild, my physiological needs were barely being met. Yes, we had air, food and shelter, but our shelter was uncomfortable. Yes, we had some safety needs met, but I was severely underemployed. I actually have been severely underemployed since I have enacted this plan. Even though, I knew things were temporary, I struggled with the next two levels of the hierarchy: love and belonging and esteem. There is a quote that I have heard circulating that says character is built from adversity or something like adversity reveals character. I used to thing this was true; however, I have since learned that there is much more to it. Recently, I saw a post that said something along the lines of "if you see someone stealing food or diapers, you didn't see anything or don't say anything". This implies that the person is stealing to feed their family or change their baby. However, stealing is illegal. So, does stealing reveal bad character on the parent's part (yes, there can be additional circumstances in these cases), but is there good and bad character for thieves. During this time, I relapsed into depression. There are many stigma's about depression that people have. Although, this stigma really only spreads because of lack of awareness. There are (I bet) more depressed people than society realizes and those upholding the stigma of depression may even be depressed themselves. Seeing that this turn a mildly dark turn, let me come back to mediocrity and why I didn't want to live like that any more. Basically, I was going through the motions. I no longer wanted to go through the motions, I wanted to thrive and I was just surviving. These past 6 months have shown me what I need in order to thrive so I needed to be here at this time. And for that I'm appreciative.